This particular update, tho not quite an adventure, is still an experience I'll remember forever.
For days now, I have debated on sharing this because it's not about silly, fun things like dancing, eating or seeing new places. It's about something far more personal. Anywho, before I change my mind, I'll just go ahead and write this up and hope it was the right thing to do...
For the past year or so, pops has been in and out of the hospital. He's been fighting liver and kidney disease for a very long time. Its so strange tho, how subtle changes are when you see someone often. Just 3 years ago, when I was still livin' in HI, I saw dad quite a bit. To me, he's looked the same since 5 years previous. But after I moved to Japan, every visit back home made me a little sad. Pops looked weaker and thinner on every visit. Tho every week, on the phone, my parents sounded the same. "Oh, nothing new going on, and everyone is genki," mom would say.
But last year, pops was in and out of the hospital every couple of months. He'd usually stay there for one night, then be allowed to go home the very next day. It was always the day they got home, that mom would call to tell me what happened. It would get so upset when she did that.
I understand that my parents never wanted me to worry about them and would feel bad if I flew home out of concern, but in November when I last visited, I discovered how severe dad's condition was. For reasons unknown, pops decided not to take his medication for just 2 days. On the third day, we had to rush him to emergency. The experience at the hospital was a nightmare. They took forever to give him the treatment he needed -even after the doc told me straight up, that if he didn't get treatment right away, he'd likely die that night. I panicked. After pestering and urging them every 10 minutes for nearly 4 hours, they finally administered his treatment.
Shortly after that, pops said he never wanted to go back to the hospital -no matter what. I can't say I blame him.
After that incident, I made mom promise to keep me updated on the TRUE condition of dad after I flew back home.
She was true to her word. She called me shortly after the new year to make a "suggestion." She suggested I fly home again soon to spend some time with dad before his condition possibly worsens. Dad's foot had developed a large wound and he was now bedridden. Mom had taken the new role of full-time caregiver. There was stress in her voice. She sounded overwhelmed.
I hopped on a plane the very next day to see if I could help.
I didn't realize how bad things were until I got there. Dad didn't just have a foot injury, he was much weaker physically. His disease had grown angrier since I last saw him just two months previous. But this didn't stop my parents. I came to see the wonderful dynamic between the two of them. Not only did they manage to keep their sense of humor thru this rough time, there were also moments of sweetness. I admired the strength of their relationship. Mom was supremely dedicated and dad was totally determined. They had their heart set to treated this "bed-ridden thing" as just a temporary set back. But, as dedicated as mom was, she just wasn't physically able to fully care for dad on her own.
I then decided, that for the duration of my visit, I would get a system in place to help my parents get thru this "temporary set back." I would get caregiver support for my mom. I would get my parents on a smooth routine. I would get them the supplies they needed. I would establish an open communication with dad's doctor, the home-visit nurse and nurse-aid. And the hardest task: get the rest of the family involved.
Please don't get the wrong idea of my family! The "hard part" was me ASKING them. It's just that...when I look back and try to recall on any contributions I've made to my family, during their times of need -I draw a blank. It's shameful.
It took me a couple days to gather the guts to call them. But when I finally did, without question, everyone was on-board to help. I found myself completely humbled and grateful.
Family and friends were always around to bring us food, help dad move, give good advice, or just keep us company. I really can't thank them enough. I also saw a new side to my mom. I have so much more respect and admiration for her now.
With everyone's help, the system I envisioned was finally coming together. I started to feel a sense of ease, that things would be okay when I flew back to Japan. However, despite all our efforts, papa's time was up and he passed away on the last day of January.
It's been nearly 2 months since we lost him and still I find something each day that reminds me of him. Pops had such an amusing awareness of the world. He told me about the pink dolphins of the Amazon River (no believe? google it!) and the mysterious lake discovered UNDER the sea (http://atlasobscura.com/place/undersea-brine-lake). He'd even notice the most subtle of things, like that one crazy (different) little whisker growing out of his cat, Meechan's cheek.
In the three short weeks I got to spend with pops, I lapsed thru so many different emotions. Amongst the sadness, frustration, fear and just plain exhaustion, what I felt most at the end was thankful. Thankful that I had that time with him. I think of the times I quizzed him on random things to keep his mind sharp. I think of the times dad teased mom to loosen her up. I think of his laid back demeanor. I think of his genuine smile. And I remember the moment he finally responded to my "I love you Dad," with a "I love you too."
A lot of people don't get that chance. I consider myself extrememly lucky.
I miss him so much.
Thanks for reading.
